Emotions are how we genuinely feel about things. We all experience both pleasant and unpleasant feelings in our lives. Emotional balance is about getting the balance of pleasant and unpleasant feelings right, at least most of the time, so that we can have positive mental wellbeing.
According to research, the ten most common positive emotions are:
Amusement: Laughing or smiling at something unusual that is not serious, dangerous or threatening.
Awe: A feeling of being transfixed and overwhelmed by greatness or goodness on a grand scale, whether it is by nature or humanity, compelling us to see ourselves as part of something greater than ourselves.
Gratitude: The heartfelt appreciation of something in our lives, like someone who has helped us or having a comfortable place to rest.
Hope: Believing that things will change and get better.
Inspiration: A feeling of being riveted by human nature at its best and wanting to express yourself at your best because of it.
Interest: Feeling fascinated or challenged by something new.
Joy: A feeling of playfulness and delight in things or people.
Love: The feeling that encompasses all or most of these positive emotions within the context of a safe, often close relationship.
Pride: Taking credit for an achievement that is valued by others.
Serenity: A feeling of inner calm and contentment when things are going well for you.
Look at each of these ten positive emotions and think about what things in life bring out these feelings in you.
Positive emotions can help us create our best life! This is because they help to open our minds, build up our personal resources and undo the negative effects of stress.
Positive emotions are much more than a response to a physical sensation. Although they can arise from physical pleasure (e.g. good food, warm baths, watching a sunset, etc.) they also have a longer term effect on our wellbeing. The wonderful thing that research is telling us is that these positive emotions don’t just feel good now – they can help us have brighter, better futures.
Keeping Emotions honest:
This is important! Positive emotions are no use to us if they are not honest and real. In fact, research suggests that insincere positive emotions can cause as much stress to our bodies as anger. Forcing yourself to smile or ‘put on a happy face’ may help you feel genuinely cheerful, which is fine. But if it’s just done to pretend to others that you’re happy when you’re not, it won’t have a positive effect on your wellbeing.
Negative Emotions:
According to research, the ten most common negative emotions are:
Anger: Displeasure, hostility or antagonism towards someone or something.
Contempt: Disrespect for a person or thing.
Disgust: A feeling of repulsion.
Embarrassment: Feeling ashamed when your inadequacy or guilt is made public.
Fear: Anxiety or apprehension about a possible or probable situation or event.
Frustration: Feeling annoyed at being hindered or criticised.
Guilt: Remorse caused by feeling responsible for some offence.
Sadness: A feeling of disadvantage, loss and helplessness.
Shame: The feeling resulting from an awareness of inadequacy or guilt.
Stress: Feeling strained when demand is greater than your capacity.
At times, negative emotions are appropriate and useful. It is only right that we should feel sad if someone we love dies. Feelings of anger can help give us the energy we need to stand up for fairness or justice. And fear helps to keep us away from things that could harm us. However, some negative emotions are not helpful or healthy and we should try to reduce them. For example, we can spend too long feeling guilty for a minor mistake we made or thinking too much on a negative comment someone made about us.
Too many negative emotions can drag us into a great sorrow, which can lead to a lack of energy and an inability to get the most out of our lives. If this goes too far, it can lead to depression and other mental health problems. We can learn to manage negative emotions so that they don’t overwhelm us.
Getting the balance right
So how do we find emotional balance in our lives? How do we maintain a healthy balance of positive and negative emotions?
Research suggests that negative emotions have a stronger effect on how we feel overall than positive emotions. This is because of our evolution – we have survived by being able to be alert to dangers – our brains are hardwired in this way and we can’t change this. What we can do, however, is to carry out simple daily habits which help us to focus more on our positive emotions, encouraging them to stay a bit more. This in turn will help to make us healthier and more successful, which will then lead to more positive emotions, and so on.
The importance of our thoughts
Positive and negative emotions don’t just happen to us – they are affected by the way we think. In turn, how we think affects what we do. So, our behavior is affected by our thoughts and emotions. In addition, the way we behave, and the outcomes of our behavior, affects how we think and feel. There is therefore an ongoing relationship between our thoughts, feelings and behavior.
So, we can help to take control of our emotions by changing the way we think. We can decide how we are going to respond when bad things happen to us. And we can think positively about our lives to help encourage positive emotion.
We can help push negative thoughts out of our mind, by doing something to try and take our mind off them for a while, like going for a walk or a swim or phoning a friend. The physical exercise or contact with a friend can also give us a little boost of positive emotion which opens our minds to possible solutions to our problems. Also, solutions to our problems often come to us when we’re not thinking too hard about it.
We can also argue with our negative thoughts by clearly examining the facts of the situation. Thinking things like “I’ll never get this work finished – I’m just hopeless at this” makes you feel pretty low, but may not actually be true. We can’t just magic up positive emotions – for example, we can’t just decide to be joyful. But we can decide to think about the good things in our life to help us experience joy by asking ourselves questions like, “What’s going well in my life today?”
Children and young people’s emotional balance
As they grow up, children develop their understanding of emotions and the way they respond to them. They need to learn how to manage negative emotions appropriately. So for instance, it is better that they recognise they are angry or scared and learn to deal with the emotion appropriately rather than hit out in anger or run away in fear.
They also need to recognise positive emotions and learn how to build on the positive emotions in their lives. Having fun should not be taken lightly – it’s really good for them!
As an adult who cares for or works with children or young people, you can help them learn to notice, understand and manage their feelings. You can also help them get the right balance of positive to negative emotions. This will help them get the best out of their lives.